Being Good and Other Ways We Abandon Ourselves

From girlhood, we were shaped like clay.

Told to be “good,” to be pretty, to be helpful, be skinny, be perfect, be happy, and be nice with whomever you're with.

We became masters of morphing—softening our edges, shrinking our voices, smoothing out our brilliance to make others comfortable.
Don’t make anyone angry, don’t be too much, don’t get too excited, don’t cry, don’t be sad... and the list goes on and on until we are twisted like a pretzel because everyone has a different definition of what good, nice, and happy are.

By trying to please everyone, over time, it cost us something priceless: our connection to our true Self.

You were not born to be who they needed you to be.
You were born to be who you truly are.

The world taught you that your value came from how well you fit, how much you gave, how you controlled yourself, how quiet you stayed.

But your spirit knows better—and can sense when we have gone too far off track.
It can show up like eating too much, being captivated by screens for too long, numbing through substances, feeling depressed or anxious, or escaping in other ways—because it is extremely painful to grow further and further out of alignment.

Through my own childhood, and through the stories of so many I’ve heard, we learned to quell our wildness, our truth, and the full range of who we are until we became “acceptable.”
Most of us just wanted love, to belong, to be seen and accepted for who we are.
But over time, we can forget ourselves, our voice, and our truth by staying in a pattern of trying to be accepted by those around us.

But something in us can rise and remember—the wild spark inside that once danced freely before the rules were laid down.

That spark is not gone.
It’s just waiting for you to turn back toward it.

In my own life, I have had to remember and recover those parts of me that were put aside to be acceptable to those around me.
And I have worked with so many who also needed to remember, recover, and reclaim their innate, unique Self.

You are not broken.
You are becoming.

And that becoming is sacred.

Sacred Self Practice

Find a childhood photo of yourself. Place it where you can see her.

Each morning, whisper to her:
“I will not abandon you. I will let you be who you are.”

Let her remind you who you came here to be.

P.S.
The Oxygen for Women Announcements

• The Oxygen for Women is starting a new micro podcast in Nov. 2025  If you are interested in the Oxygen for Women workshops join the waitlist at perryjanssen.com.