Having Needs or Being Needy Is Bad and Other Lies I’ve Been Told

Somewhere along the way, you may have been taught that needing anything made you “too much.”

Too emotional.
Too demanding.
Too sensitive.
Too needy.

(I can’t tell you how many times I have heard in my practice… “I don’t want to be needy!”)

The fact is that we all have needs—sometimes more than others.

I have worked with countless women who would have rather eaten glass than express what they needed to their partners, bosses, coworkers, or even their children.

In fact, ultra-independence—showing up as “I can handle it on my own,” “I don’t want to be a burden,” “I don’t want to bother people”—is often a sign of trauma, attachment wounding, and generations of unhealthy self-sacrifice imprinting.

So you may have learned to swallow your needs, push through the exhaustion, and pretend you were fine.
Or you may have been taught to focus so much on others and their needs that you smothered your own, losing track of what you really need, want, and desire.

But here’s the truth:

Your needs are not a burden.
Your needs and wants are important, relevant, and crucial to be in touch with.

They are sacred signals from your soul—trying to communicate something to you.

They are not flaws to fix.
They don’t make you “needy.”
They are invitations to come closer to your Self.
To know your Self.
To heal your Self.

Tending to your needs does not make you less of a woman.
It makes you whole.

You do not need to earn rest.
You do not need to justify your desire for space, silence, beauty, joy, health, or care.

You are not here to prove your worth.
You are here to honor it—so that you can be fully YOU.

Sacred Self Practice

Place your hand over your heart.
Breathe. Feel your breath.

Ask gently,
“What do I need today?”

Write down the first thing that comes.
Then—give it to yourself, even in the smallest way.

P.S.
The Oxygen for Women Announcements

The Oxygen for Women is starting a new micro podcast in Nov. 2025  If you are interested in the Oxygen for Women workshops join the waitlist at perryjanssen.com.