Confession of A Painful Default Survival System
Nov 03, 2025
I have a painful but transparent confession that I hope will reach those of you who give yourself a hard time when you fall back into a survival pattern.
If you read my emails or follow me on social media, a genre of themes are centered around self-abandonment, self-sacrifice, and self-forgetting. Why because I've seen this over and over again in my practice, workshops, and groups. It's an epidemic or more likely a pandemic.
But I learned it like a champ myself. My survival system has been to be hypervigilently aware of others and their needs to the point of forgetting myself. And wow, has forgetting myself, my needs, wants, hopes gotten me into some painful life circumstances.
Over the years I have learned many ways to come back to myself, feel my body, tune into my core, work with embodied mindfulness, somatic meditations, etc. etc.
At times, though, I catch myself going into that default as that familiar home and be inwardly disconnected and out of attunement. Literally, out of tune.
I used to give myself such a hard time.. asking myself.. ."what the hell?"
How can I go back into that pattern after all the work I have done?
But I learned something.
That pattern is my warning signal, my red flag, the foghorn that blasts in my ears..."wake up my darling.. wake up."
It's a signal that I am in too much stress, maybe in a traumatic response, or out of touch with listening to me, that I am forgetting my needs and the communication of my body, soul, and spirit.
My body tries to give me warning signals. My breath is shallow, my body is tense, my eyes are intensified and I can't feel my body or emotions.
But I've learned that inner child, the longing to belong middle schooler, the vulnerable young college student, the passionate seeker of truth, the wounded healer are all trying to get my attention to come back in, listen, come home...
And daily, I see women who have been impacted by the generations of women who learned to be voiceless, to ignore the inner cry for care, who have deep dreams, needs, wants, who have been impacted by a judging society and to only take care of themselves to belong to an image culture.
We are meant to have the experience of our full self. To taste, to feel, to dream, to speak, to play, to love, and to be loved. But you can only feel those things if you feel your Self.
I've learned that this is a daily practice. In order to be in touch with our voice, our body, our soul, and our spirit, it is a practice everyday to remember yourself, return home into your body... to listen to you and your beautiful soul.
That is what Oxygen for Women is all about. That's why I am here. To help me remember and to help you remember, you are an exquisite soul who longs to live her dreams.
Sacred Self Practice:
As you curl up to go to sleep tonight, feel the sheets and blankets wrapped around you, breathe gently and on the inhale breath come into you. Pause, have a moment in the center of your being. It's a holy moment of remembering.
With love and honor
Perry
Psychotherapist/Artist/Author
Founder of Oxygen for Women
Announcement:
The return of the podcast Oxygen for Women will be returning in November.
Woohoo! It will play on all the main podcast feeds as well as video with podcast will be on Youtube!! So tune in and subscribe. These will be bite size episodes to give you a dose of Oxygen!
The series of workshops will be coming in January due to the launch of the podcast and youtube channel Oxygen for Women.
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