Restoring our Power and Integrity to our “Self”

I had a Moment this week where I had to embody one of the things I teach...

I was at the dentist's (the last place I wanted to be) waiting for my appointment. The receptionist was very polite and had me take a seat. I began scrolling through my phone to answer emails and deal with some business stuff. My stomach was churning as the dentist is one of those places that makes me want to throw up.

15 min. passed and I decided to do some box breathing to help with my nerves then moved onto their trance like TV of fish swimming in the ocean. Another 10 min. passed and I see the dentist in the background, dental assistants finishing cleaning teeth.

I felt bad that I had to cancel two clients that day to get there but my bite is off and hurting my teeth. (Yes fun information I know) 30 min. passed. I have to admit I don’t like waiting.. in fact, it’s a trigger for me as certain family members of mine were ALWAYS late.

I asked the receptionist if everything was ok and she smiled and said yes.

I sat down. Another 15 min. passed by and I could feel the volcanic rising of fire within me. I realized that if I waited much longer I was going to lose my shiz...

In the past, I would have either just sat and acted like nothing was wrong. I did what I asked my clients and students to do.. paused and went underneath the volcano of feelings to find out what was really going on and what I needed to do. I realized that this felt deeply disrespectful and I have long been done with that. I realized that when I went into my old default of people-pleasing that I was betraying and disrespecting myself. That hurt worse than anyone doing it to me.

I got a hold of my breath and talked to the receptionist very diplomatically but told her that I needed to leave. I had clients who had been canceled and others that were waiting and this was not ok. I said I knew it wasn’t her fault but people’s time matter. Please convey that to the dentist.

If I hadn’t spoken up, just swallowed it, acted as if nothing was wrong or the opposite, and just lost my shiz in the office, neither would have felt like integrity to me and I would have let circumstances determine what happens to my power.

My pause was power, to really find out what is happening within me.. so I don’t come from reaction or suppression but what is true.

I didn’t lose my voice or my power and it didn’t end up eating me alive inside or eating someone else up because I threw up on them.

Pause is one of the most powerful tools we can use. It brings awareness. It doesn’t mean stuff it or ignore it. It means breathing, inquiring into what is really happening and what is really needed.