Our Attitude About Failure is F’d UP

Failure is a natural part of life. However, we were taught early on that failure meant getting an F. And getting an F was shameful and usually meant something was wrong with us and that we had some kind of contagious disease. I remember kids who got an F and the look and feel of humiliation would be thick in the air. We were rewarded by teachers, parents, and others if we got an A or appeared to do something perfectly.

When we learn failure is bad, that is the beginning of a carefree, playful, experimenting life being over. The freedom to fail is liberating. It opens up the possibility of trying anything, goofing up, starting over and over because it isn’t loaded with a meaning that is bad and humiliating.

Failing isn’t the problem. It’s how we react to it that can lead us freely move forward or close ourselves off and numb the part of us that wants to try, be curious, and discover.

We were taught to react to failing by holding our head down rather than up, to hide it instead of taking pride that we are experimenting and trying new things. To feel shame rather than being curious about what is really happening and that maybe trying a different way might be helpful, or that we may need help.

Can you imagine treating ourselves like you see parents when a baby is beginning to walk, cheering them on, clapping, they fall, and the cheering begins again, reaching out hands to the baby and telling them... “great job, keep trying, way to go.” Celebrating the fact they tried and tried again and again.

Instead, I hear words from people like, “that’s stupid, I’m not an artist, I’m dumb, I can’t… who I am to think I can write or do... I suck, I won’t embarrass myself that way”. We end up being our own joy killers as we learned to “grade” ourselves our whole lives for each and every little thing. We want that A, instead of having the curious heart of a child who feels like they can do anything and doesn’t give a crap if they scribble or do it “wrong.”

Was there a dream you had, something you wanted to try, a book you wanted to write, a tart you wanted to make, a song you wanted to sing? Are you ready to shift out of giving yourself a report card of criticism and shame?

Give it a try. Quit grading yourself.