Boundaries and the True “Self”

This week’s topic is all about boundaries. We hear about boundaries all the time. Why is this something we struggle with? Why are they so difficult to keep?

I’ll start with the bottom line. Because we were not taught EQ (emotional intelligence), which includes our relationship with ourselves and others, we are not really taught at very fundamental levels to truly take care of our “Self.” Boundaries are caring for ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but as a little girl, I was always taught to treat people better than myself, to be sugar and spice, and everything nice... (and probably not the spice). I was taught that putting myself first or at least in the top 5 priorities was selfish, self-centered, and sinful. As a girl, I was especially taught to take those around me above myself. While being of service can be a beautiful thing and should be a part of our lives but doing it at the sacrifice of your emotional and physical well-being. Also, letting people take advantage, steamroll, or shame you into doing things you don’t want to do borders on self-abuse.

Having boundaries is having self-knowledge. We need to be connected to our “Self” to find out what doesn’t feel good to us, how we want to really be treated when our energy is being sucked dry when we are doing too much when something is painful, and so much more.

Without teaching people to connect to themselves on a daily basis, we can go days, months, and years without knowing what boundaries we really need. We may unconsciously let people manipulate us, volunteer our energy to depletion, let relationships hurt us, agree to things that can be toxic to our lives, and not let people know when enough is enough.

Ideally, we would be raised in a home that taught that care for your “Self” and knowing your boundaries are a priority. Daily Self-awareness is a #1 priority. At the root of much of why I see people is that we do not teach self-awareness at deep levels. It is one of the reasons people usually end up with a therapist or coach because we are taught to wait till it is a crisis.

We don’t want to live our lives in crisis management. Overriding your boundaries is putting you on the path to crisis.

Your body, mind, and soul deserve to be tuned into. Listen to the messages it is giving to you.