EPISODE 12.

The Invisible Load Women Don’t Realize They’re Carrying

Oxygen for Women Podcast

with Perry Janssen

You are not just carrying your life.
You are carrying everything that keeps everyone else’s life running.

In this episode, Perry names something many women feel but rarely articulate — the invisible load. This is not just about tasks or responsibilities. It is the constant mental tracking, emotional attunement, and anticipatory thinking that happens in the background of daily life.

If you’ve ever felt tired without knowing why…
If you’ve ever sat down to rest but couldn’t fully relax…
If you’ve ever felt like your mind never truly turns off…

This conversation is for you.

What the Invisible Load Really Is

The invisible load is not just what you do.

It is everything you are holding at the same time.

It includes:

• Scheduling appointments
• Managing calendars and deadlines
• Keeping track of household needs
• Planning meals and daily logistics
• Anticipating problems before they happen

But it goes deeper than logistics.

It is also:

Reading the emotional tone of a room
Adjusting yourself to maintain harmony
Carrying the emotional weight of relationships
Thinking ahead so nothing falls apart

It is being the one who knows, remembers, and keeps everything moving.

And it rarely stops.

Even when you rest, your mind is still working.

The Mental and Emotional Exhaustion

Many women describe a specific kind of exhaustion.

Not just physical tiredness, but a deeper fatigue that feels harder to explain.

They are functioning.
They are showing up.
They are getting things done.

From the outside, life may even look balanced.

But internally, they feel:

- Stretched thin
- Disconnected from themselves
- On autopilot
- Emotionally depleted

This happens because the load is not just physical.

It lives in the mind, the body, and the nervous system.

When Self-Care Becomes Another Task

Somewhere along the way, self-care often becomes just another responsibility.

Something to schedule.
Something to check off a list.
Something you “should” be doing.

But instead of feeling restorative, it can feel like more pressure.

A bubble bath cannot undo years of over-responsibility.

A day off cannot release a load that is still being carried internally.

Even vacations can feel exhausting when you are still the one managing everything behind the scenes.

This is why many women say:

“I’ve tried self-care, and it doesn’t really work.”

Because the issue is not surface-level.

It is structural and deeply conditioned.

Where This Pattern Comes From

This way of being did not begin with you.

For generations, women have been taught — directly and indirectly — to:

Take care of others first
Keep things running smoothly
Be easy to be with
Avoid having too many needs

Women have been rewarded for being:

Responsible
Accommodating
Self-sacrificing
Emotionally aware

Over time, these expectations shape identity.

You don’t just do these things.

You become the one who holds it all together.

The reliable one.
The strong one.
The one everyone depends on.

The Cost of Being “The One Who Handles Everything”

At some point, this role becomes more than behavior.

It becomes who you believe you are.

And even when your body signals that it is too much…

You keep going.

Because slowing down can feel:

- Uncomfortable
- Wrong
- Selfish
- Risky

You may worry:

What if something falls apart?
What if I let someone down?

So you continue running on empty.

Not because you want to — but because it feels necessary.

When the Body Begins to Speak

Over time, the body begins to communicate what the mind has been overriding.

You may experience:

- Chronic exhaustion
- Stress
- Hormonal imbalance
- Emotional overwhelm
- Disconnection from your body

These are not random symptoms.

They are signals.

Your system is trying to tell you:

This is too much to carry alone.

The First Step: Awareness

Instead of trying to fix everything at once, Perry offers a different starting point.

Awareness.

A simple pause.

A moment to notice what you are holding.

Not mentally — but in your body.

You might begin by asking:

What am I holding right now?

Where do I feel it?

In my shoulders?
My chest?
My stomach?

This is not about judgment or immediate change.

It is about reconnecting with yourself.

Because most women do not need more effort.

They need awareness of what they are truly carrying.

A Question That Changes Everything

One of the most important questions you can begin to ask is this:

Is this mine to hold?

Am I responsible for all of this?

This question opens the door to a new relationship with yourself.

One where you can begin — slowly and safely — to put some of the weight down.

A Gentle Invitation

If this resonates with you, you are not alone.

Many women have been carrying far more than they were ever meant to carry.

And over time, they have lost connection with themselves underneath it all.

This work is not about doing more.

It is about:

- Becoming aware
- Listening to your body
- Releasing what is not yours
- Returning to who you truly are

Inside Oxygen for Women, Perry guides women through this process of reconnection.

Together they begin to:

Understand what they’ve been carrying
Reconnect with their body and emotions
Shift lifelong patterns of over-responsibility
Create space for themselves again

Because you are not here to manage everything.

You are here to be fully yourself.

To learn more about Oxygen for Women, visit:
oxygenforwomen.com

Powerful Quotes

“You’re not just carrying your life — you’re carrying everyone else’s.”

“The invisible load is not just what you do. It’s everything you’re holding all the time.”

“You can’t solve a lifetime of over-responsibility with a bubble bath.”

“You’re not exhausted because you’re doing life wrong — you’re exhausted because you’re carrying too much.”

“Most women don’t need more effort. They need awareness.”

Connect & Share

Stay connected through:

• The Oxygen for Women podcast
• The Oxygen for Women community
• Personal Growth for Women (free Facebook group)

If you know someone going through grief, share this episode; it may help them feel less alone.

Closing

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a woman in your life who may need to hear it.

Take a breath.

Wherever you are today — strong, exhausted, steady, or uncertain — you are not alone.

Oxygen for Women: A space for women who have been strong for so long and are ready to come back to themselves with honesty, compassion, and breath.